Every Rebound is a Personal Challenge -D.Rodman
It’s me again, Annie.
Welcome back to my awkwardly fun and sometimes infuriating dating life. I’m here to prove there is life after a serious relationship. There is life and more love, after love. It may not always be successful, it may be more weird than it ever is romantic, but then again awkward is my game so stay tuned.
Now that we have gotten the foundation story of why we are here out of the way, it’s time to move on (literally and figuratively). You are officially single and now, it’s time to mingle! But there is one problem: your heart is still very broken and you have a wall up that’s as tall as the Empire State building. Frankly, you just aren’t ready to open up to someone. At the same time, there is an emptiness inside you aching to be filled. I think we all know what comes next. Cue Mister (or Miss) Rebound!
Rebounds…we all have them even though we hate to admit it. (Or maybe you like rebounds. To each his own.) But one thing I have learned is that rebounds need to happen in order for us to take that first step in moving on. The difficult part when it comes to rebounds is remaining detached. I mean, we’ve all heard that story before, right? Girl gets her heart broken by “love of her life”, girl meets new guy, girl has instant connection with new guy, and just like that she has found her Mr. Rebound. Only girl forgets one key element in this story, she forgets to protect her already ripped open heart and dives in head first without checking how deep the water is. All the makings for more wounds on an already damaged heart. Don’t get me wrong, not everyone gets hurt by their rebounds. Rebounds are good and healthy, as long as BOTH parties know exactly what it is.
So let’s say, you’ve met someone you like. They’re cute, they make you laugh, and they seem genuinely interested in getting to know you as a person. But you remind yourself you are not looking for anything more than to just simply have fun. You know your heart cannot take another beating, but you think what the hell and decide to give it a go. So like any good old fashion rebound, you have a few drinks to get that liquid courage, you give yourself a mental pep talk, and you go for it. Next thing you know, you’re laying in bed next to him exchanging stories of how your life got to where it is today. You tell him of your recent relationship experience and fills you in on his. In that moment, you feel yourself starting to crack. He is worming his way in. Your wall isn’t as tough as you thought.
Weeks go by and things are good. Constant sleep overs, random dates, and staying up until 3:00 am talking. So much for not letting anyone in. It is in that moment that your “rebound” has turned into so much more than a rebound…at least in your mind. All too often after our hearts have been ripped into a million pieces, we find solace in the arms of someone new. They comfort us, they make us feel “happy” again, but deep down we know we are not ready to throw ourselves into something right away. The sting of a broken heart so often leads us to believe that simple acts of kindness from a new person mean more than it usually does.
This wouldn’t be a tale as old as time if someone didn’t get fucked over, right? So what happens next? You got it. Suddenly he stops texting as frequently. When you do hear from him he claims he has been busy. Your gut tells you something is wrong but you, being you, give him the benefit of the doubt. Let me tell you a little secret, most of the time people do not deserve the benefit of the doubt. Because your gut usually always correct. Days turn into weeks of no contact and here you are yet again feeling abandoned and betrayed by someone you opened yourself up to.
The icing on the cake? The reason Mr. Rebound went A-wall -- he met someone new. Not only has he met someone new and dropped you like last seasons purse, he was also never man enough to tell you the truth. He was never man enough to take responsibility for his actions and admit he handled the situation like an immature 13-year-old boy. Instead, he ignored you, hoping you would forget that something ever existed between you two. Seems all too familiar? Because it is and yes, it hurts like hell, at least until you realize you deserve so much better. I promise, you’ll soon realize you dodged the biggest bullet ever.
So, rebounds…they are helpful in many ways. They help you transition through the awkwardness of being with someone new after having spent the last few years with one person. They guide you in learning how to open up again, even if it is only to realize that most people only care about themselves and you should do the same. Most importantly, they show us that there are other people out there in this great big world, but just because there are always other fish in the sea doesn’t mean you should settle for the first new one that comes along.
I guess the moral of the story goes beyond rebound flings. The point is don’t be a shitty person. Regardless if the other person has recently gone through a heartbreak or not, just be a real, stand up human being and take responsibility for your actions. That’s not too much to ask, now is it? Well, unfortunately in this day and age it is. Especially in the dating world. But that just leads me to another story for another time. I’ve been wronged and I have done wrong too. But at the end of the day aren’t we all just looking for that one person to fall in sync with? I know I am. And if it doesn’t work, well then at least I have my cat.
Until next time..
Annie K.
