Dating: Open to Interpretation Pt. II

It’s me again, Annie.

Welcome back to my awkwardly fun and sometimes infuriating dating life. I’m here to prove there is life after a serious relationship. There is life and more love, after love. It may not always be successful, it may more weird than it ever is romantic, but then again awkward is my game so stay tuned.

Before we dive in to more stories of my current dating life, I think it is important to touch on my past because ultimately, our past experiences greatly influence our current dating endeavors. My heart was very recently broken. Actually, more like my heart was recently ripped to a thousand pieces at the hands of the one person who I loved more than life, more than myself.

That right there is problem number one. Never, ever, ever, love another more than yourself. Because what happens when they walk away? Yup, you got it. You are literally left with nothing, because somewhere along the way you gave yourself entirely to someone else. Then they left, and took "you" with them. I don’t like admitting I loved him more than myself because it seems weak, but love makes us do crazy things. I thought that was what you were supposed to do when you loved someone. I truly believed I was doing right by love by loving him more than myself. I gave my heart, my soul, my everything to someone who I expected and believed was going to give me the world in return. That was what he promised me.

But people suck and go back on their word, and well you know what happens next. One day, he woke up and decided I wasn’t enough; that my love for him wasn’t enough. He wanted more. So he left. Not only did he leave, but he left and immediately found someone new. (I should also add that the someone new he found was a woman he had been claiming as “just a friend” for the last four months before he ended our relationship. Coincidence? I think not.)

Four years of me giving my all to him only for him to “fall out of love” with me and move on to someone new like the last four years we had spent together meant absolutely nothing at all. So, point of the story, never give up yourself for someone…no matter how many promises they make or how much they claim to love you. No matter how much you love them and want them, in the end the only person you can really count on is yourself.

This leads me to my current state of existence: dating with a broken heart. Let me tell you, it is fucking difficult. Picture this. You have spent the last four years with the person you believed you were going to marry. You lived together, built a life together, knew all the ins and outs of each other and loved each other for every imperfection and weirdness that made you, you. Now that’s over. Gone, like it never even happened and you are left with a shattered, guarded heart.

How do you even begin to think about dating and the possibility of giving yourself to someone again? Well, you just do it. I mean, first you grieve and allow yourself to accept that things are never going to be the same then you start to move on. Because if you don't you will find yourself bitter and rigid, and let’s be honest, no one wants to have sex with a bitter bitch of a woman who is holding on to her scorned heart from another lover. And it hurts, a lot, at first.

Those first few dates are almost unbearable, but you push through. You will constantly find yourself comparing this new man sitting in front of you to the man you "lost". That's okay. It's going to happen. The key is to not let it hold you back. Is it fair to compare every new man to the man you lost? No, so don't do it too often, but when you do find yourself comparing try to see the good qualities in this new man, the qualities the one who broke your heart lacked.

No one will ever compare to the person you loved and lost. He will always hold a place in your heart that no other man will ever be able to touch. But you have to know that while no man will ever compare, it doesn't mean that there will never be someone better because I promise you, there will always be someone better. You just have to be patient and believe that the someone better is out there somewhere and he is waiting for you, too.

So you put yourself out there. You join all those wonderful online dating apps, you go out…A LOT, and you tell yourself you are a badass woman who deserves the world (but you know the only person who can truly give you the world is yourself). You tell yourself you deserve a man to compliment you, not complete you. It’s not going to be easy, but time heals all wounds, right? Speaking from personal experience I can tell you that time, a good glass of wine, and more than anything, new people help you heal a hell of a lot quicker than you would believe.